Top Ten Facts on DMM

12. He's black.

13. Every other odd Tuesday he religiously meets with his surrogate parents on Sutter Street and broils a live cat for dinner on broken lawn chairs before watching his favorite movie, Big Trouble in Little China. Every other odd Tuesday.

.9. The Masked Man is 9 feet tall and weighs over 3 metric tonnes.

XII. He's had sex with women in 19 different foreign countries, and animals in 20!

7. He once drank his body weight in Piňa Coládas to appease the vengeful Pineapple Gods of Malayasia. Ingénue local women now bathe their children in water he once touched, to affect his continued favor.

21. He's 21 years old.

7. Much like the British Empire at its zenith, The Sun Never Sets on D'Masked Man.

\VII. The pilot episode of 80s Primetime Television Show Alf was based on a school report that a young DMM wrote about his family during summer vacation.

22. He is not 21 years old.

10. He's friends with that guy who busted Paul Reubens in that movie theatre.

100. The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than The Masked Man.

4. Finding The Masked Man on Easter morning is believed to bring good luck!

3. His evil twin was born on June 10^th, but DMM was born hours later on June 11^th, and again on August 11^th, and once again on November 5^th, (and, once again, on the 13^th day of March, but only in South America.)

5. Twice, he correctly used the word catafalque in a sentence. The same sentence! Twice! Gosh!

5½. He hangs a portrait of his mother on the wall of whatever boarding house he is staying in for the night. No. Matter. What.

11. If The Masked Man ever meets the man who killed his father that fateful night ten years ago, he will regally don his mask, brandish a sharp knife, reproachful swagger up and say: …