Sick Racist Wordplay

Distended stomach. Ache!!  Am I sick?  Perverted maybe.  What is Sick?  Wittgenstein thought that all problems were in fact simply difficulties brought about by language. 

---Brian was sick last week.  And so were several of my autograph seekers in Vegas.  Maybe I got it from them.
--I remember I ate some crabfish a few days ago.
-And then yesterday I got stabbed with a rusty syringe by an 80 lb homeless girl.

That might have something to do with it.  Or maybe it was the medical testing I volunteered for to get some cash.  DO YOU VOMIT MORE THAN THREE TIMES A WEEK? Yes.  DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF OVERWEIGHT? yah.  ARE YOU HAVE ANY ALLERGIES? No.

Keep out of my life!  Sorry.  Sorry. 
I’m not angry with you.
Merely projecting my hatred for multinational corporations.

Oh!  Did I mention it’s GAME DAY? 
Yay!  Game Day!  I shit thee not.

Today’s game will be compromised of a little audience participation, since every once in a while I like to answer some of the many questions I get either posted on my blog(s), or sent directly to my mailbox...

No offense baby, you’re still the one (of the ones),

CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHER WOMEN
THE GAME
First; The Masked Man’ll answer these questions &
Second; send me more questions, and I’ll answer those!
Yay!

Q: My boyfriend and I are very environmentally conscious and so we always recycle in our apartment, and we turn off the lights and take short showers.  But for some reason my boyfriend thinks it’s okay to take longer showers when we’re away from home in like a hotel room or something.  He says that its not our water and so it’s okay to stand in there for a half an hour or more!  Am I wrong or is he just being really wasteful?  Hotel water comes from the same source as tap water in your home, and it goes to the same place afterwards, right?
A: Hey!  Fuck you!  This isn’t your local government FAQ page.  What do I look like, Bruce Jenner?  Treading water is for sea otters and seventh graders. 

Q: That wasn’t very nice, or coherent.  Are you sure you’re feeling alright?  The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one’s real and one’s declared aims, one turns, as it were, instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, "like a cuttlefish spurting out ink…"  That’s George Orwell.  But seriously, I think you’re only playing this game to insult us.
A: David Byrne says heaven is a place where nothing much ever happens.

Q: Hey did you know that before the 17th century, carrots were purple?
A: Each day I dye a little more.

Q: Have you seen ’Hot Rod’ yet?
A: Not really, no.

Q: Why not?
A: Actually on Wikipedia, under Douchebag it has a picture of that movie, and lists Andy Sandberg’s parents for letting him live past the age of 7 seconds.

Q: Any advice for would-be equestrians?
A: Watch out fer da jocky camps. A lot of Not Straight people live there.  And I don’t mean Well Rounded.

Q: sorry i just have ot ask, is ur mask a symbol for teh common man?
A: Interesting.  Go die in a fire

Q: Are you a racist, or do you use racial stereotypes because "everyone else is doing it"?
A: I’ll have you know my acrid little immigrant child, Everyone Else is NOT doing it.  Look at Wayne Brady, for instance.  He’s black.

Now comment with, or
Commence with Questions.  We’ve got answers. 
You SUCK Radioshack.

-DMM