auro cenotauralis

I’m not a religious fanatic when it comes to any particular belief. 
You can believe in any God you like as long as you take the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, that's where I stand.  Ok, ok, that's not true. 
As long as you believe the same thing I believe in we're cool.
Haha, just kidding again.

I'm an atheist.  I believe in, um Athee.  Um... what were we talking about?  Oh right... religion.

Well I only bring it up because of a little matter of mistaken identity and misplaced zeal. 
ok, again, that's a lie.  Only not really.  Almost everything I do involves either one or both of those things.

Couple weeks ago I was thinking about beliefs after a long illuminating discussion with my longtime buddy Doug.  He's a scientist.  Some sort of engineering as I recall.  We actually weren't talking about belief at all but we were talking about Doug's love life, or the lack thereof, in comparison with me.  Senor masqueDon Juan.  

"How is it that ladies see something in you?" he asked, not even trying to disguise the disgust in his voice.  But he was feeling vulnerable, so I let it slide.
"Maybe it's the mask.  They love a good mystery."
"That's one hypothesis," said Doug. 
As a scientist he's always using meaningless words like Hypothesis and Kilometer.

"I think it's a matter of priorities," said Doug after a long pause.  "I have dedicated my life to science.  To the collection and execution of organized data collection and rational analysis.  The world, to me, is a series of number and patterns which, although I will admit I do not understand all of, I believe thoroughly can all be explained thoroughly and wholly."
"Yeah, I don't believe that at all," I said.
"That's exactly my point.  Exactly!  See, you're more touchy feely right.  Your world is about hidden agendas and misinformation."
"No, I wouldn't say that," although thinking back on it, as a guy who lives his life behind a mask, that was a pretty insightful observation by Doug, "It's just that I allow room for doubt.  I admit that there are things I don't know about the world and concede that they simply may not be known.  There is so much at work in the universe that is unseen and unseeable.  Even in our everyday lives.  Ghosts, coincidences, Deja Vu... there is a whole world of mystical and unallignable allignments going on out there, and I just sort of go with it and try not to understand it."

Doug paused.

"How can you... um... 'try not to understand it?'  See, I can't do that.  I have to understand things, that's the way my mind works."

And that's about the gist of our conversation.  I couldn't answer his question.  We're good friend and all, and we talk about just about everything together but sometimes even the best of roads end at an empsase. 

So I went home and got to thinking about science and irrationality.  About very open Doug, and closed me.  About causation and mysticism.  About analysis and faith. Then I remembered the hymn about the two brothers who sat in darkness and in fear...
that hymn always seemed to answer a vague and persistent question which haunted my young soul

Religion, for me, was about accepting that there are a few things in life which we can never know.  Taking solace and comfort from the fact that although we can make up explanations for the unseen, it really all comes down to faith that things are going to turn out.

It's not fair that my co-worker's one uncle who has been a drug addict for 25 years is going strong and looking great, while his other younger uncle who was the epitome of health-concious-conservative now has a crippling degenerative heart condition.  Anyone trying to overlay order or reason on these kinds of things if foolish and has fools for friends.

I don't want to discount science.  But I don't want to stumble into some sort of emo blissfest titled "drowning in a sea of love" either.  All I'm saying is, there are some things we can understand, and other things that we have to believe in our hearts without any proof.  It's the balance of belief, and heartfelt insight, that leads to a successfull life.

And this is just about bigger-picture-religion btw.  I'm in no way getting into the semantics of church doctrine or the specifics of different divisive demoninationisms.

I do wear a mask.  Let's keep this broad broad.

As Doug's little brother says:
Badness sucks, but coolness is awesome

Religion can be good for moral upbringing, and some people are way against that sort of control.  But generally where most religions agree is that if we all treat each other with compassion it will be better off for everyone.  So don't be bad.  Stay cool. 
This blog was going somewhere else but I've lost it.  Narrative gone.  Tune in tomorrow.  We'll make a game of finding it.

in brief and in summary:
Doug can't get laid.  That's his issue. Scientists.  They're all incurable sentimentalists.

I have trouble relating to people who believe in things so thoroughly that they can't open their eyes to the possibility of other ways.  That's my issue.  But I wear a mask and deal.

My coworker's uncles must reconcile their mother's generation's faith with the truth that we cannot know why things happen the way they do.  That's their issue.  And I wish them the best of luck, and prayers.

And Doug's little brother?  He is an idiot.  And unfortunately, that's everyone's issue. 
"Crap on a stick," -Abe Lincoln