Misconceptions

Sleep is so much more appealing in the morning.

At night you never want to go to sleep

In the morning, you never want to get up.

This somehow strikes me as similar to Newton’s First law of… um… First Law of…

CHANGE OF SUBJECT:

Misconceptions:

Leslie is my special friend. He has a galvanic personality. Everyone loves his exclusive parties. He is also queerer than a two dollar bill.

Lately however, he has been suffering from what I like to call “14-year-old-girl syndrome”

Something wasn’t right in his life and so he has decided to drastically redefine himself.

It’s hard to have a friend going through a rough time when you’re far far away. You wish you could be there to help them through it. Talk to them in person rather than through a static-ridden phone-line. We want them to be the friends they were, to be happy. But in the meantime, they’ve got a rough road ahead, and I can sympathize with that.

We’ve all done that at one time or another.

I know I have.*

{INSERT, enter mad_scientist mode}
So, seeing as how protonium is not only verifiable, but also able to be produced in non-trivial amounts, , and given that Protonium atoms are bosons of zero charge...

…if this is indeed true

Anyone? Anyone?

Fryy? Fryy?

Protonium Bose-Einstein Condensate, !! This may be an intriguing new way to keep matter/anti-matter from annihilating at macroscopic quantities,
by keeping it in a single superpositional state.

Oops, I just invented the antimatter bomb. So sorry.

{exit, retrieve mad_scientist mode}

Washington DC, (OSG PRESS) A NEW White House Study shows that “Life is Shit” according to White House Press Secretary Tony Snow…

HEY! LIARS,

FUCK OFF.
Love, DMM

There are certain code words that people use to let you know that they are lying to you.

A) A twitch of the eye _;-)

B) Sarcasm _{(yeah, that’ll work)}

C) Frequent Fuckin Use of Swear Words

D) Their statement contains the phrase, ``according to White House spokesperson Tony Snow”

Partway through our delightfully vegetarian dinner, Leslie leaned over and told Novi* “Cleary The Masked Man and I are twin brothers who were separated at birth.” And she agreed! Now, let me explain. We look nothing alike, So I would be inclined to think that it was just the alcohol shaking her head and not her cognitive agreement with the statement. But the thing is THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED.

Since we look nothing at all alike, the whole thing really tickles me. I like having a lot in common with Leslie and we get along great, but I really don’t know how I feel about being compared to a very very gay man.
Very Very gay. Very.

I’m not about to pull a Kramer. I’m not homophobic. Leslie and I get along like pears and gingersnaps. But the cold hard fact is that there are homophobes out there just drooling for the chance to pass off some sly discrimination.

What if one of my co-workers had overheard this conversation? What if my boss had been there!?

You never know who you’re going to offend, and hell anything you say can be taken as harassment. The thing with modern harassment laws is that’s its defined by the victim. So technically, anything you do can offend someone and be construed as harassment. Like if you start talking about your new cute pet kitten, and some girl across the room hears you and she had a traumatic childhood experience involving a weekend in Colorado in January when her family got stranded in the cold with just their mini-van and a bag of crackerjacks and they were forced to take shelter in a nearby cave which happened to shelter a hibernating Cougar who they then proceeded to accidentally awaken, leading to the death and sever mutilation of her 4 sisters and her little brother Timmy. She could feel harassed by my remark about kittens, because it brought up all these unwanted memories for her… and then she’d tell my boss and then I’ll end up dropped from my job, homeless and starving, making ends meet living paycheck to paycheck doing urinal maintenance for the Pittsburg Pirates.

Holy shit I just said ‘like pears and gingersnaps!’ It’s starting! Quick, chin up! Chest out!

The need for red blooded males to go out of their way to avoid being grouped with pooftas is overwhelming.
Think about male strippers.  (Hypothetically, dirtbag.  Get your mind out of the gutter.
(I'm using them as an example.(NO!  I'm not using male strippers.  (Quit quoting me out of context!!))))
My point is that those guys have it worse than anyone.
They are supposed to pay meticulous attention to keeping their bodies clean fit and gorgeous,
and know how to dance exceptionally well… but also be into women.

Not, not fair.

Shit.  I was supposed to be talking about Misconceptions.

Comics are not always funny.
(Doonesbury, fuckers)

it's not sloppy to
       start a thought on one line and
finish it later

(even in haiku.  It is.  Don’t tell me it’s a style choice.  You’re a style choice!  Fuckers)

Return of Pinnocchio is Exceptionally wholesome family entertainment.
(It’s wood and it gets bigger and bigger.  Fuckers.)

Garlic keeps Vampires at bay.
(um. misconception.  Fuckers.)


Another misconception is that I am not fun .
Wrong. I don't know where you got that idea from!
I love having fun, with hot babes

in hot tubs 

naked

!!!

GROWL.

Overcompensation sometimes works against you. But you can’t have too much of a good thing. “This is not a misconception, sources say it's true. "That’s why we’re taking US Troops out of Iraq,” says White House Press Secretary Tony Snow.


For all this and more of the news that's not fit to print nor print to fit
tune in tomorrow to:
-DMM
's blog
(Fuckers.)