Busy Work

"there is a beginning and an end and [...] you have only a certain amount of time to act" -Dave Eggers

Other people's homework

58 crazy pages of nitrogen compounds today in addition to carbonyls and acids tomorrow. Why do I do this? Sometimes I feel like just giving up I wish I could just curl up and sleep my world away. I can, but I also have a poetry paper to do. Everything will be fine once I get this gull-durned paper done. Hopefully once I get the ball rolling it'll be hard to stop. The damn thing will just write itself.

Drive In

Exhalations from their fingertips. A darkness to her eyes. The tiny soft hairs on the skin of her back make him angry for reasons he does not understand. If her body is offering up any explanation it manifests itself in the diving arch of mimed backseat passion. The silence and the touch, each thunderous and unbearable to his delicate psyche.
The movie plays like dancing shadows on the big luminescent Drive-In screen outside the car. They turned the radio down long ago, the car battery meter slowly descending like tidewater into sea sand.
He touches her and she moans, a simple quiet breathy passionate erotic noisy humiliating towering ohmygodeveryonelookoverhere moan that cripples him with fear. He sees his reflection in her eyes, a million miles of emotion run across his face. Repulsive. Her expression is atonal, both ecstatic and detached. He detests her in her secret haven, wherever it may be that she has floated off to.
Oh the secrets held deep within a woman's heart that no man will ever ever know.

The movie, closing with the same aerial shot of the city at night as its opening. Too far away to get close to understanding the details, distant shapes and light performers. Like the city, she dazzles and eludes.

Revelation

Human beings are irrational animals, driven by instincts.
Instincts propel desire and desire (when gratified) coils into the bonds of addiction.
I love her and she doesn't even know that I exist. Like a snake wrapped around my neck. I cannot get away.

God made me complete before he put you at my side.

The sun is warm and she kneels before him not holding anything back. Not denying anything. How long has this day been in coming? So long. Too long in pursuit of her, trying to catch her, following after her, and now here. She is. Giving herself to me.
And then the idea grazes my brain that perhaps everything I have ever wanted from her is not what I really needs. Perhaps to have her is to lose all that I've ever really enjoyed about her.

"maybe you'll love me when i fade to black" -Jay-Z