Time’s Pollution of our Chrysorrhoas

May we receive unquenchable light from You
so that our darkness will be illuminated
-Saint Columbkille

Totally made myself go for a swim last night. Heart wasn't in it and since I sprained my ankle two weeks ago it was really tough to get in the pool but I did it! I had that really accomplished glow all evening, and this morning I have that day after "trim from the swim" feeling. Like a rebirth.

It's one of the best feelings. And I can say I've honestly come to a point in my life where I care more about how I feel than how I look. The only thing I really miss about my former self is the way I used to write.

More specifically, the way I used to see the world, paint it with words of wide-eyed wonder. I miss the ways my words came out, so colorfully descriptive, lyrical. Miss that easy flow from eye to mind to pen to paper, the magic I saw, I felt, I wrote.

I really don't do that anymore. Now that I'm "grown-up" I’ve jaded. Colors lack luster and music sounds lackluster. It’s all so very bland.

The surface is green and the dark interweaves in a lonely iridescence
It's terribly deep and the cold is complete and it only lacks your presence
-Gord

I found some pictures of me from a couple years ago when I was really fit and kept telling everyone that I needed to lose weight and now I know why everyone would roll their eyes at me. I really didn't need to lose any weight! I looked great! But it's just funny to me how we have our self-image... and then the truth. Some of that has to do with seeing reality for what it really is, and for the most part, reality seems to suck. Suck the colour out of you..

At one point in my laps my arms started to cramp I could feel my muscles start bringing me downIn a moment of trepidation, the gloomy light fading all around me, a rare pain came over me. Harking back to my animal nature, some sort of psychological or physical reaction to the darkness of the water, my inability to move. Babies flooding from the oceans of their mothers wombs in wailing tides, the light overtakes them screaming.

Open your eyes to the truth. You are all gorgeous creations. Enjoy it! Twenty will be here soon enough, then 30 and Forty is the new 30 with liposuction… but that’s about perspective. Truth, vs. Self-image. And our 'self-image' is unreliable. Day after day we dive into our lives, thinking we’ve seen it all. Flooded with images, murky with doubt and apathy. Of course everything starts to look the same.

We can’t be who we were, but we all become who we are.

quello che tu sei io ero, quello che io sono tu sarai
-Neopolitan Proverb

__Here's __ a yay_ Game day_
Rent boats at Stow Lake in Golden Gate Park, throw everyone overboard, play Ophelia.
Also, the botanical gardens are there, the Japanese tea garden and the Shakespeare garden.
Golden Gate Park! Bring a picnic! Dress up and have a tea party in Shakespearean dialogue.

Some days you've just got to dive in. Not because you have to, but because you want to. Keep swimming, and when you come up for air the light will overtake you like a million pictures of yourself. Savor it.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee
-William Wordsworth

I feel great. Cracking myself up here. I think I got too much sleep or something. I'm feeling a high on normally functioning serotonin. Everything is bright. I slept like a baby last night and I feel so good today it's fulfilling.

So what if I used to write 'better'? So what if I used to look 'better'? That was then. Today I will dive in to something new and entirely original, and wonderful.

Don't let the waters get you down.
Swim with it,

swim with it,
swim…

-DMM