Drag

Shoulda finished to college.

I was not a diligent Student.

But back when I was grappling with studies and almost dead, I was happy.

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of my MBA-attaining peers the footsteps that were next to me have gone their separate ways and I've seen enough to know that beautiful things don't always stay that beautiful. I've done enough now to know this beautiful place isn't everything they say it is and sometimes evil comes disguised as cities in California where you go to escape your life but find yourself farther and farther from the light.

... damnit.

I have many good traits.

i'm unique... just like everyone else

i'm intelligent. i have book and street smarts.

I’m inenergetic and sardonic and dilatory and languid and---

Actually these are not good things.

Caught in a dizzying array of thoughts--

A broad rainbow column of confusing ideas.

Should I go back? Should I try it again. This life is not the life I want to lead. But when I was in college I was miserable, too.

Realized how far I have come. I’ve become more confident, can express how I feel about the relationships I have. Can analyze and think about my emotional state in a productive way. It's encouraging. Realize I have a lot more work to do, but feel I can handle it. Feel ready for the challenge.

But unbidden I remain a sloth.

I could probably spend the rest of my life surfing through Youtube, restin’ on m' laurels...

So it's good that I have a place to work. A place where a byzantine set of documents procedures and guidelines set forth hugely complex chains of triviality. Where boring useless hierarchies and bureaucracies essentially use me to waste time, money, and other people's resources.

After "work" today went to the gym where I grunted around heavy objects for a while, listening to old Material Issue songs that I hadn't heard in years. There is nothing like doing stomach crunches, holding a 30 pound weight and listening to dense, rich, manic powerpop. It reminded me of happier days when I would go to the good gym at school, in Maxwell Hall. Rockin’ out to Jimmy Eat World and Good Charlotte… I faithfully went to that gym for months. Wonderful, blissful, and all-too-short months.

Stay in school forever.
Take a masters degree. Hell get a PhD in something. Anything!

“I Don't Wanna Workology"

Whatever it takes.

-DMM